


Come Fly the Friendly Skies

by patientalien



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Jedi Apprentice Series - Jude Watson & Dave Wolverton
Genre: Airports, Humor, M/M, Non-Consensual Groping, Other, modified pat-down, reluctant orgasms, tsa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-05
Updated: 2013-10-05
Packaged: 2017-12-28 12:38:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/992092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patientalien/pseuds/patientalien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Obi-Wan is kidnapped. Again. This time, Xanatos plays a game involving hats, plastic wings, and his pet tentacle demon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come Fly the Friendly Skies

**Author's Note:**

  * For [citizenjess (givehimonemore)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/givehimonemore/gifts).



Obi-Wan Kenobi does not particularly enjoy having burlap sacks shoved over his head. It makes him slightly claustrophobic, and this one smells like feet besides. Obi-Wan isn't sure why anyone would stick their feet in a burlap sack, but someone clearly did, and fairly recently as well.

He is not overly surprised that the first thing he sees when the bag is unceremoniously ripped off his head is Xanatos du Crion's face. He is surprised that Xanatos seems to be wearing a pilot's cap of some sort, and that he is standing in the middle of what appears to be the security line of a very large, but very empty, public spaceport.

"Hello Obi-Wan," Xanatos says, giving him a toothy grin. "Do you have your ID card and boarding pass?"

Obi-Wan blinks at him, unsure now of what game the older man is playing. He's no stranger to being snatched in the middle of the night from his room - or even in broad daylight from his Master's side (doesn't Qui-Gon ever look over to see if he's still there?), but this is something new. "You know I don't," he informs Xanatos, a little snottily.

Xanatos ignores him. "Please empty your pockets and utility belt pouches into one of the trays provided. If you have a portable datapad, it needs to be placed in its own tray. Please remove your boots as well."

"Are you kriffing kidding me?" Obi-Wan asks. "What purpose could this POSSIBLY serve?" Why can't Xanatos just take him to some out of the way factory and subject him to tentacle (and other kinds of) groping like he normally does?

Xanatos shrugs a little bit. "Galactic regulations require this sort of screening prior to any interstellar travel," he explains, as if that explains ANYTHING (which it doesn't, by the way), as he ushers Obi-Wan (now sans boots and empty of pockets) towards what appears to be a high-tech body scanner.

"Step through, please," Xanatos says, and Obi-Wan could swear he was actually taking this all seriously. He wonders if the tightrope walk of sanity has finally ended, if the years of isolation have finally taken their toll on Xanatos' mental functions.

Still, Obi-Wan does as he's told because he knows the only way he's going to be deposited safely back in his room at the Temple at the end of the day is by playing along. Almost as soon as he steps inside the scanner, a light starts flashing and a high-pitched beeping noise blares. "Please step out of the scanner," Xanatos says, and from around the corner Obi-Wan can see a set of unfortunately familiar green and purple tentacles slithering towards him.

"You brought Jerry here?" he asks, dismayed, as several of the aforementioned tentacle demon's tentacles begin groping outside Obi-Wan's clothing. One of the tentacles is wearing a custom-made vest (which, really, is just a sack with the letters 'GTS' - Galactic Transportation Security - across the back).

"It's Jerry's airline," is the response, which makes Obi-Wan huff a little bit because honestly why does he even bother trying to make sense of any of this? Besides, Jerry is now reaching into his pants. "You set off the alarms, so we have to do a thorough cavity search," Xanatos informs him. Because of course.

Obi-Wan resists the urge to roll his eyes, and then winces a little as Jerry begins probing said cavity. "Really?" he asks. "Really!?"

After what seems like an eternity, Jerry extracts himself and waggles a tentacle at Xanatos, as if disappointed he didn't find any contraband shoved in Obi-Wan's rectum.

"Alright," Xanatos says, and he sounds disappointed as well, "you're free to proceed to the gate area."

Obi-Wan fumbles with his boots, a task made more difficult by Jerry trying to 'help' by stroking his cheek. Finally, he gathers up his things and begins sticking them back in the pouches of his belt as Xanatos leads him towards the 'gate area' which is, again, completely empty of everything except uncomfortable-looking chairs.

One of Jerry's tentacles (Obi-Wan has never actually seen Jerry's body, but assumes it must be massive in order to have so many tentacles reaching so many places) alights on Obi-Wan's shoulder and pushes him down to sit in one of the chairs. Xanatos sits across from him and they stare at each other.

And stare.

And stare.

Finally, Obi-Wan clears his throat. "So, uh, is Jerry a Slivilith, then?" he asks.

One of Jerry's tentacles, which had been worming its way down Obi-Wan's tunic, withdrew abruptly, and Xanatos made a disapproving noise. "Certainly not," he says. "He is a tentacle demon. There is a big difference. Try and show more sensitivity."

"Uh, sorry?" Obi-Wan replies. They lapse into silence again, and Jerry seems to forgive him for the misstep because soon enough he is stroking his hair fondly once more.

Suddenly, Xanatos stands up. "It's time for boarding," he announces, heading towards the gate proper. Jerry's tentacles seem to be everywhere as he heards Obi-Wan down the boarding ramp and into the waiting starship, which really is just Xanatos' personal ship, so Obi-Wan still isn't clear on why any of this is happening.

Xanatos marches him into the ship and sits him down in one of the passenger seats. "Please turn your attention to the front of the cabin while your flight attendant goes over some important safety features," he requests, and this time Obi-Wan does roll his eyes.

Jerry's tentacles appear once again, this time outfitted with festive neckerchiefs. With practiced care, he demonstrates the safety restraints, points to the front and rear of the cabin towards the imaginary emergency exits, and even shows Obi-Wan how to use the oxygen mask in case the cabin loses pressure - though if the cabin loses pressure that means they're all about to get sucked into the void of space so an oxygen mask would just be like rubbing salt on a wound, but Obi-Wan refrains from mentioning that.

Xanatos disappears to the cockpit and Obi-Wan feels the familiar bump and rush of takeoff. Jerry's tentacles offer him soft drinks and tiny bags of pretzels repeatedly.

Eventually Obi-Wan stops resisting when Jerry tries to 'adjust' his safety restrains by sliding a tentacle down the front of his pants, and by the time the ship lands, he has reluctantly orgasmed twice. Jerry seems pleased with himself as he pins a pair of plastic wings to the front of Obi-Wan's tunic.

"Thank you for flying Air Jerilingus," Xanatos says, leading him back up the boarding ramp and into... Obi-Wan's bedroom window.

"Are you kidding me?" Obi-Wan squawks. "All of that and you just brought me back home?"

Xanatos shrugs, looking completely unapologetic. "Say hi to your Master for me," he says, planting a kiss on Obi-Wan's cheek. Jerry pats his bottom, waving his other tentacles at him from the windows of the ship.

"Kriffing hell," Obi-Wan mutters as the ship takes off again, leaving him with nothing but the plastic wings and sticky pants as souveniers.


End file.
